As my children grow, I am constantly aware of my own childhood and the things that made me happy or sad, angry or calm, full of frustration or pleasure. One of the memories that I have is of one set of my grandparents coming to my school and picking up my cousins – leaving me and my siblings to catch the bus home.

Now, these cousins were being driven home to their mother – whilst we caught the bus home to let ourselves in until our mother got home from work. Okay, we were old enough to go home to an empty house – but my sister was only a year older then the eldest cousin and my brother was the same age as another.

Every Wednesday, they’d be picked up and we would wave from the bus stop. On those really hot summer days or in the middle of winter when it was raining, I’d wish that they would stop and ask if we’d like a lift {or at least take my baby brother with them}. But they never stopped, never asked if we were ok, they just drove on by.

My Nan even said openly that these cousins were her favourites. My Mum remembers that when we were growing up, my sister once asked her why Nan didn’t like her?

I even went to write on a card for one grandparent’s 80th and I couldn’t think of a single memory that I shared with them. It made me so sad to think that I had such positive memories with other grandparents; trips to the park, sitting down to talk about my day over saos and lemonade, picking out my birthday presents, picking veggies from their garden, cooking in the kitchen together, sleep overs.

I understand that not all grandparents enjoy spending time with their grandchildren – not all people like children.

But I think that it is so unfair to have favourites – and I can see it playing out again {or at least what could be read as favouritism by the children}.

I don’t know what it is that would cause a grandparent to do one thing for one set of grandchild and another for the rest. I have actually tried to stop thinking about the ‘why’ – because I don’t think that I will ever be able to understand their thinking {as we definitely think differently}.

Now, dysfunctional behaviour can be easy to slip into for even the most well-functioning families {wait, in all honesty I think that all families have their share of cray-cray}. While the temptation to avoid these issues can be strong, research says that addressing them head on can actually strengthen your family ties. But when and how should you address them? And if I actually do end up bring it up, could it all just explode in my face?

I would really like my kids to grow up having strong, loving relationships with all of their grandparents. I am blessed enough to have all four of my grandparents still – they have danced at my wedding and held their great grandchildren. Now one set of my boys grandparents are significantly older and I just want them to have positive memories of these family members if they aren’t around for a substantial amount of time.

I’m throwing it out to you my lovely internet community… Has this happened to you? How did you address it? Did addressing it solve the issue?