A few months ago, I hosted a dinner for friends that never really got off the ground. I couldn’t understand it: I’d spent hours making a killer mushroom lasagna. I’d scrubbed and decluttered the apartment. I’d toiled over the music playlist.
Yet the whole evening was just kind of…blah. We all made chitchat, but it was a bit labored and punctuated by awkward silences. “I don’t get it,” I thought in a mild panic. “Why isn’t this happening?” After my last guest made for the door—a few polite minutes after dessert—I was happy to proceed directly to my pajamas, relieved it was over.
Why do so many get-togethers leave us feeling vaguely unsatisfied and a little hollow? Priya Parker, a group facilitator with a background in conflict resolution and the founder of Thrive Labs, which helps leaders have more meaningful gatherings, was struck by the same thought. Parker says we focus a lot on entertaining—picking the perfect recipes, setting the right playlist—but don’t really talk about the how of hosting once everyone is in the room.
Her new book, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, is about stepping back and setting an intention for every event, big or small—weddings, backyard barbecues, business meetings. She maintains that you don’t need to be an extrovert or have a fancy house to make an occasion meaningful and memorable. All that’s required is a little planning and a few simple changes. I tried Parker’s advice to spruce up my own gatherings—and picked up some game-changing tips that even a novice host can easily put into practice. Make sure your AC or Hvac are perfectly working, specially if you decide to host on Summer days, I personally recommend glacier portable ac.
Commit to a Specific Purpose
Having a clear intention for a party from the get-go will make your gathering less one-size-fits-all or bland. Before you begin planning an event, ask yourself two questions: “Why are we gathering?” and “Why is it important?” Every time you reach a deeper reason, ask “why” again. “Sometimes it takes four answers to drill down to the real objective,” says Parker. “Like if you ask a friend why she wants a baby shower, she may finally say, ‘I guess I’m scared of the actual labor and birth, and I want to be rallied by people who have been through this before.’”
If the answer is, “Well, this is the way we’ve always done it,” keep digging. Parker says sometimes we throw weddings, bar mitzvahs, and graduation ceremonies that are so tied to tradition that they don’t represent a person’s life and personality. Ask yourself, “Does this gathering reflect my values? And if not, how can I change it so it does?”
When Parker learned I was planning a dinner for six worn-out mom friends, she drilled me with “why” questions. At first, my answer was, “Because it’s fun to hang out.” Isn’t that enough? But she pressed on, eventually extracting the story of how, when I recently went on a playdate, my friend made me lunch. Since I’m usually the family chef, I was so pleased—and amused, because out of parental habit, she cut my sandwich into quarters and served me carrot sticks. I realized that I wanted to get together because I needed, on a very elemental level, to feel cared for—and I wanted to make my friends feel the same way.
Be Strategic With the Space
It’s said that 90 percent of what makes a get-together successful is put in place before the event—starting with the space. It’s tempting to book a massive venue for your shindig, but bigger is not better, says Parker. When people drift through a cavernous space, they miss one of the most delightful things about a party: the opportunity to bump into someone new and start a conversation. If you’re hosting a large group, build in contained areas for people to congregate. One veteran event planner told Parker that the reason guests often end up gravitating toward the kitchen is that people instinctively seek out smaller spaces as the group dwindles, in order to maintain the density. Gatherings need perimeters, or all the buzzy energy leaks out.
Hi Shari! Hope you’re having a great weekend! Now I’m to check out some of these blogs! 🙂
Thanks Paula – I think my weekend is just about to get better…my husband is back and he is sending me and my sister to the movies to watch ‘Bad Mums’ as I’ve been a single parent all week and I need a little me time.
Hi Shari! Hope you’re having a great weekend! Now I’m to check out some of these blogs! 🙂
Love all of these links. I am looking forward to getting a new phone and sorting out my hip cooks app. I still included my link to Lomo Saltado in the link up because it’s my only post this week…. Sickness and broadcasting a webinar took my blogging mojo this week but I am determined to stick to my two per week schedule. Hope you are having a good weekend x
I’m hoping to add a few more packages to the hipcook app {before baby arrives?}. Definitely need to check out your Lomo Saltado link – I think it is perfectly fine that that is what you linked – I link recipes some time. I’ve been struggling to keep up with my blogging schedule this week due to Phillip being away and he is set to be away again this week. I hope that sickness has left your household soon xo
Talk about rabbit holes – the mention of TV dinners just sent me down one from my childhood! TV dinner nights were something extra special (though, from this side, I do hope the food had improved a bit in the past 30 years!).
Wow – Cristin, I’d love to know what was in the TV dinners from 30 years ago.
A TV dinner is on the cards in my house tonight with hubby being away and one child struck down with a fever – renders me housebound for the weekend! An easy meal, cosied up in front of the telly with my two lovlies sounds ideal x
Oh Shauna – it’s hard parenting on your own, let alone with sick kids. I feel for you. Enjoy your TV dinner and I hope your little one recovers quickly xo
Thanks for guest hosting. Chocolate orange cake sounds pretty good to me!
I second that!!
And excellent choice Lydia xo
Yes – I vote chocolate orange cake for all xo
Thanks for keeping my seat warm! I’m a big fan of Tenina, I went to her book launch when she was in Sydney – all her recipes are so delicious! We’re so naughty every night at our house is a TV dinner, at least that’s where we eat it… In front of the TV! That app sounds awesome, will have to check it out when I get home. Have an ace weekend x
You’re most welcome, Sammie. It is a FABULOUS seat! When there was just the two of us – we often ate our dinners in front of the TV…but it is very unpractical to do so with little ones. We actually just bought a new outdoor table to seat our growing family and my extended family when they come around. It is a 8 seater table that expands out to double. I love it so much – room for all who are welcome.
You’re most welcome, Sammie. It is a FABULOUS seat! When there was just the two of us – we often ate our dinners in front of the TV…but it is very unpractical to do so with little ones. We actually just bought a new outdoor table to seat our growing family and my extended family when they come around. It is a 8 seater table that expands out to double. I love it so much – room for all who are welcome.
Thanks for keeping my seat warm! I’m a big fan of Tenina, I went to her book launch when she was in Sydney – all her recipes are so delicious! We’re so naughty every night at our house is a TV dinner, at least that’s where we eat it… In front of the TV! That app sounds awesome, will have to check it out when I get home. Have an ace weekend x