Breast feeding is a journey – a learning journey for both the mother and the child. Everyone says that ‘breast is best’- but what they fail to inform you that it rarely is ‘easy’. All breast feeding journeys have their ups and downs. And even though I successfully fed my first son for 12 months and my second son for 18 months, this did not guarantee a smooth start with the z man. 

I feel like I loose my confidence in those first few days after a newborn is born. So if someone pops in and tells me that I’m doing it wrong or that I should change my technique, then I usually follow what they are saying. I feel like I need an advocate to speak up and say ‘don’t second guess yourself’ or ‘you do what’s best for you’.

Even though I remember my Mum being in the room at one point and telling a nurse that I confidently and successfully breast fed both my sons for an extended amount of time – new nurses come in during the day and new nurses come in during the night and then on the final day I had two different lactation consultants tell me two different things.

In the early days, I was so over simulated with milk that I was unable to actually get any of my breast feeding bras on and had to wear frozen nappies to try and calm down my oversupply. Breast feeding was painful and I needed to express for approximately 20 minutes before I could even get the z man to latch on.

Once I got home from hospital, my milk supply settled down and I thought that I had established a good routine. Feeding was going well – we had plenty of wet nappies, lots of poos, and a baby who was content. But then the MACH nurse called in and said that the z man wasn’t putting on enough weight and I needed to breast feed him and then express to top him up with extra breast milk.

I’m not the biggest fan of expressing. I tried to do it with both boys, but they never actually would take the expressed breast milk from a bottle {and I ended up freezing it all and adding it into their solids months later} and the second time around I ended up with a blocked milk duct from expressing.

So I decided to not express, but just to try and breast feed him more often – as I was confident that I was producing enough milk…I was always leaking {through multiple sets of breast pads a day} and we had a content baby who had lots of wet nappies and giant poos.

A week later, when I took the z man to have a weigh in with the MACH nurse, he had put on double what they had wanted him to put on and so I thought that we were back on track with breast feeding and I didn’t need to worry.

That was 2 weeks ago, and then on Friday at our paediatrician appointment, I was told again that he was not putting on enough weight and that I needed to feed for longer and express.

I feel defeated.

I seriously don’t know how I am meant to feed more. I breast feed for 20 minutes each side – and with a burp and a nappy change, that’s an hour. Add in expressing and trying to get him to take a bottle and I will have approximately an hour before the next feed – oh and I’ve got to accommodate my two year old and my three year old’s requests in there somewhere.

I’ve attempted to follow this routine as I want to do the best for my baby – but all that happens is that the z man ends up throwing up that extra milk or he throws up the extra milk and then had a giant poo explosion.

I’m headed back to the MACH nurse in 2 weeks time and I am hoping that he will have put on the weight that they want to see, but none of my kids are ‘heavy’. I’ve been looking at photos of the boys and their weight gains in their baby books and they all sit around that 15%-40% mark – even once they start eating solids {lots and lots of solids}.

Breast feeding was my thing – I was pretty confident the first two times around, but now I am worried that this isn’t going to be successful. I just want to do the best I can for my baby and I feel like I am letting him down.

Do you have any tips? Do you find it hard to trust your get instinct when it comes to your baby? Have you had breast feeding issues?